False collective nouns
There is nothing like a long journey alone to get the brain considering absolute bollocks. You will find in the book Extremes Beyond the Screen about my trip to the ‘stans in the summer of 2025 I kept coming up with fake collective nouns.
It’s an addictive habit, here’s some examples: feel free to add your own and vote for your favourites.
- A kneed of carpet layers
- An entitlement of Etonians
- A cut of dealers
- An empathy of Samaritans
- A decapitation of florists
- An erection of fluffers
- A dither of doctors
- A force of bodgers
- A futility of gamers
- A repetition of cold callers
- A desperation of Apple upgraders
- A sanctimony of vegans
- An unaccountability of multinationals
- A laze of benefit abusers
- A blockage of bureaucrats
- A scraping of sausage fillers
- A consolation of lottery winners
- A loneliness of artisans
- A bothersome of bouncers
- An infection of dish cloths
- A coalition of coincidences
- A shade of gingers
- A fraction of biscuits
- A distance of astronomers
- A concentration of micro biologists
- A manipulation of GM crops
- A deception of make-up artists
- An agender of editors
- A barrier of beach huts
- A contradiction of passwords
- An irrelevance of collective nouns
Your chance to out-bollocks me
Got a fake collective noun rattling around in there? Now you can ruin a perfectly good noun and make the English language worse.
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